I am sitting in the dark, on the floor of my bedroom. My back is to the footboard of our bed. This is a peaceful night, though it has not been the most peaceful day. Rain came and brought with it the gloom I've been luxuriously without for weeks.
We had every intention of rising this morning, showering and heading to church. There we hoped to see and smile at all the people we know and love. After that, I thought, we would head out and meet my brother and his wife for lunch. She's expecting, you know. I'm going to be an aunt. Jon is going to be an uncle.
The other night we discussed this at length, how odd it is to be given a new title without making any effort at all. Shouldn't one have to meet a series of qualifications before being allowed into such a position? Apparently not. After a while we were having a wonderful time remembering the nice things our aunts and uncles have done for us in the past. Fond memories. Ted and Heather have chosen some names already, potential ones that I'm sure could change, but they know which one has my vote. We talked about how cute the children of Jon's cousins are. And then... Jon brought me my birth control.
Better safe than sorry, I suppose.
Anyway, we never quite got to church. I move in slow motion when the rains come. And, frankly, Jon doesn't want to move at all. Besides, we had tons to do today. Most of it even got done, miraculously.
Between homework and chores and games of Gin, my mood has swayed from euphoria to misery to ambivalence to disgust several times. And I don't know why. I'll blame it on the stress of school coming to a close, playing catch-up on homework after my trip to San Diego last weekend. Mostly, though, it's hard to pin this on anything besides the one common denominator.
Me.
Tonight a hot bath seemed to help. But I have three pages more to write before bedtime, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Jon is taking this opportunity to watch X-Files in the other room. I can hear it through the door and it still scares me. Spooky. Boy am I a case, huh?
Maybe it's the cabin fever. Being cooped up indoors on a May weekend is no fun at all. And the Open House Jon and I had planned to go to after church today turned out to be a big flop. For dinner I had chicken and corn chowder at Quiznos, which I would highly recommend, but I ate too much of it. Couldn't help it. Too good.
That's me, too. No self control. I want to eat good food, but I don't tell myself to stop in time to avoid a stomach ache. I want to exercise, but I don't tell myself to go before it gets too late. I want to be done with school, but I have so much homework and busywork left to complete before that's a reality. I wish there were a few more hours in teh day. Or that this week was finals week. Or that I'd graduated a year ago. As long as I'm wishing for stuff...
This feels like I'm complaining a lot. I'm not. My house is cleaner than it's been in a while. Thanks for the most part to my husband. And the calliber of writing I must read and critique for my fiction class continues to improve with each set of stories. I only have nine more drives to Davis, including the big day. And my shampoo smells GREAT.
I think I just need a vacation, but doesn't everybody? My graduation announcements are going out this week. Hooray! Definitely something to look forward to. In the meantime, I guess I'll post this blog. Getting that done after more than a week of nothing feels pretty good. An accomplishment even in the midst of my lethargy. Now that's helpful.